#pig2k15 bbq suckling pig

This is a long one.

What pleases me most is that I’m writing this on a laptop that is stuck to a wooden table with pig juice, I’m surrounded by empty box wine, beer bottles and metal instruments of torture. Welcome to #pig2k15


This one has been on the books for a while, but the moment never seemed right to fully kick into action, it’s a lot of work and we never really decided what the hell we were going to do, the original intention was to vac pac the pig and sit with it in a hot tub in sous vide style…I’m so glad we didn’t take this route…I got a bit weird about 3 photos down….

Oh..We’re doing a whole suckling pig slowly rotated above a glorious fire.

To start we needed a pig. The chaps over at Farmison were a fantastic help securing us a tasty beast and even watching along as we live tweeted the crap out of it all

We’d ‘constructed’ a bbq platform out of crap we found in the office, old desk legs and a table on wheels would be the fire platform, Jonty bought a device off the ‘inter-net’ to rotate the beast.


The next day our pig arrived. Seemed a bit odd that she came via parcel force.


I went a bit weird at this point knowing there was a box with a pig in it on the floor in the middle of the office. All of a sudden this thing was real and we were about to come face to face with our beast…

I adored that Farmison then rung me up to make sure pig had arrived safe and asked about our plans.


And here she is. Opening her vac-packed package made her sigh a little bit. All of sudden there was a whole pig on the work surface..she’s dead.


The mission now was to get her properly mounted on the rotating scewer. I had a medicinal wine and took a bit of a back seat. Oddly Corban1 all of a sudden has excellent knowledge of this type of thing and was determined to locate the anus correctly.


Now we have her legs tied together and her tummy cavity sewn up…


Here she is, ready to go…


It was time to put the poorly crafted bbq platform into action…


After patting each other on the back for being masculine legends of not only the world of man, but of the home crafted bbq platform… the bottom fell out and all the hot coals fell onto the floor



Plan B was for team 1 to go and collect team 3 whilst team 2 went to Lidl for more charcoal, fab lollies and a sweet potato for team 4 (A vegeterian at #pig2k15?!). Team 2 & 4 then made a new fire on a new device, mounted the pig and sat back and watch her rotate and make sounds as she started to sizzle.


All teams now reunited, there isn’t really much else to do apart from get the booze started.


About 2 hours in and 2 boxes of box wine down, our pig is showing the first signs of looking like it may be cooking.


Matt and Jonty tend to fire matters like sexy sweaty men…


Regular temperature probings take place throughout our increasingly intoxicated adventures. Just to be on the safe side we are aiming for a good 70 degrees.


Realising we were only at about 50 degrees, the jaggamon serves up chicken and various middle class garden nibbles.

Team #pig2k15


Another bag of charcoal and a log is thrown on to keep the fire going which makes everything go a little bit too fun.


Alcohol is sprayed on pig to protect her skin



The weather forecast said thunderstorms about 11:30 and it was 11:25. Pig is at about 75 degrees. Terri mans the blow torch to try and get us some crackling


Pig is dumped in the middle of the table and everybody left to fend for themselves..





This was a weird one. It warped me a bit in a few ways.

The shit ramble starts with the fact that this pig bonded people together. We lit a fire together, we gathered around this pig and bonded as humans have since the start of time. I adore this. Its normal, proper stuff, and makes me the most happy in my world.

As soon as we realised there was a pig in the office there was a change. A general desire surfaced to do justice to this pig and respect her life. Not just have a laugh and have a shit bbq. This pig had a face and hands and legs…she died to feed us…and this made me odd. We had to do justice to her, she had to be respected and I think we did our very best.

I won’t lie and say it was the best pork I have ever had, she needed a new more hours to go gooey, but just the fact the she brought everybody together in cosmic bonding made a change in everybody’s thinking. I know this looks like a laugh, but we did put a tremendous amount of effort into everything we did to her.

Ontop of all this was the actual connection to the source of the food. The guys over at Farmison who were tweeting throughout the night and genually interested in how things were progressing…this connection to the food being cooked has switched something on my brain…All of a sudden 3 for £10 over at the supermarket meat centre doesn’t seem right.

I feel I need to have much more of a connection to the raw food I cook, more respect.

The next day leftover pig items were mixed with choritzo and red wine and slowly stewed to gloriousness..



  • dopiaza says:

    That pig looks absolutely fabulous. I especially like the tin foil ear-muffs.

  • Phil says:

    This is a properly beautiful, fun and thought provoking post. One of your best.

    I love the lessons learned amongst all the larks. But I do also love the ongoing amounts of tech casually strewn about the kitchen etc. Much respect for not glossing over the bits where things go wrong, and the honesty of the write up. Still two rare qualities.

    I might be crap at email and twitter, but I’m still loving season 3 to bits!

    • Bless you legenderic sir. There was something about the pig in the vac pac that made me go a bit odd. Tech kitchen plans are going a bit mental, I’d adore a touch screen pc in there…im a fire hazard.

      Actually I may do you a boring email rant soon

  • Phil says:

    Rant at will. Although I still owe you a proper reply to the last one. I have a friend in Canada who I love to bits and have been meaning to reply to his last email from 2012 for some time now. Erm.

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